The best man’s speech is somewhat of a tradition. A way to toast the bride and groom, thank the bridesmaids and bring the guests together while telling jokes and anecdotes about the groom and hopefully raising a smile or a laugh from the guests. While some are born to do it, for others, it can be a daunting prospect that invokes a sense of dread. Whatever your disposition to public speaking, there are some elements that must be included and a certain etiquette to this tradition. We share some tips and advice for writing a best man’s speech.
The required elements
The best man speech should contain the following:
- An introduction to you and your back story with the groom – how and when you met.
- A thank you to the bride’s parents (they usually pay for the event)
- Complement the bride and perhaps make a cute joke about her
- Tell a funny story about your friendship with the groom
- A toast to the happy couple
And here’s what not to do:
- Don’t make your jokes too inappropriate
- Don’t upstage the bride and groom, it’s their special day
- Don’t reveal anything that is going to get the groom into hot water
- Don’t get so drunk that you make a fool of yourself
- Don’t wing it on the day – prepare it in advance
- Don’t swear! Keep it clean
Preparing Your Speech
Take inspiration from others
If you need ideas and inspiration, there are a wealth of internet resources that will show you examples of best men speeches. Have a look at a few and make some notes of things that you particularly like.
Get the length of the speech right
The sweet spot for a best man’s wedding speech is between three to five minutes long. Too short and it could be a bit of a disappointment. Too long and people might start zoning or, worse still, yawning! Three to five minutes might sound like an absolute eternity but with a little focus and preparation you will easily fill the time without waffle or stutters.
Trust your intuition
If you are unsure about that joke, or the funny story, that you have included, perhaps it is not a good idea to include it. Trust your gut. If you feel there’s a chance that your joke won’t go down well, or that you shouldn’t recount the story about you and the groom then it’s probably wise to not share it with your audience.
Get a second opinion
While we don’t suggest you show it to the bride or groom, if you have any doubts, it is a good idea to get someone to take a look so they can give you reassurance, inspiration and sense check the speech.
Practise, practise, practise
If you have written the speech down, you can just read straight from the paper however, you will feel more confident and have a chance of delivering it with the correct tone if you practise the speech and own it.
Use traditional pen and paper
While many of us now make notes on our phone or have an app for pretty much everything, it’s a good idea to write your speech down. Notes on your phone require you to have a full battery on the day, technology is not always as reliable as we hope. Not to mention that if you wait too long, the screensaver may kick in and leave you struggling to get back to where you were. Having it written down on paper in your jacket allows you to reach for it when you need it.
Delivering the Speech
Calm your nerves
Take deep breaths, practise the speech in front of a mirror and get someone else to listen to it. Don’t drink for Dutch courage – by the time you get to the speech, you may be incoherent. Much better to save your drinks for after.
Be comfortable
The chances are you will have spent a good few hours in a three piece suit, tie and all the frills of a groomsmen ensemble. Now is a good time to remove your jacket and tie and make yourself comfortable. Otherwise, once the spotlight is on you (so to speak), you may have somewhat of a sweat going on and feel very hot and bothered. It’s also a good time to ensure you have a glass of water to hand should you need to wet your whistle.
Introduce yourself
Your first job is to introduce yourself and explain how you know the groom – best friend, brother, even son… explain where you meet if relevant.
Get the opening line right
You have a few seconds to make a first impression so make sure you nail the first line. You don’t want people staring down at their feet or nervously fidgeting from the get go – this will only make you more nervous. If you can engage and relax the audience with your opening gambit, you will make the rest of the speech much easier on yourself.
Wait for the laughter
If you make a joke, don’t just brush past it, let the audience laugh. If they don’t laugh, you can make a joke of this yourself and say “cue audience laughter”. Don’t let it be awkward.
Be confident in yourself
Remember, you know the groom better than anyone and have lots of shared experiences, you likely know your audience as well, at least some of them. If you are familiar with your audience, you will probably be more confident. If you aren’t trust in your relationship with the bride and groom but don’t be ‘arrogant’.
Thank everyone
You need to give thanks to everyone in the best man’s speech – pay a complement to the bride, thank her parents for their involvement, pay homage to your friendship with the groom and thank everyone for coming.
Toast the happy couple
At the end of the speech, all that is left to do is to toast the happy couple so make sure everyone has full glasses and ask them to raise them to the bride and groom.
And relax!
That’s it – well done, you have done it. Now have a drink, you deserve it and enjoy the praise and congratulations on a job well done.
